THE COLON DOCTRINE

A Proclamation of Geographic Clarity

Issued this day by BJ Mallen
Envoy of the One True Colon
(Not a Lawyer)

SECTION I — FINDINGS

  1. Whereas the United States currently contains multiple locations named Colon;

  2. Whereas this redundancy causes confusion, discomfort, and the occasional emergency;

  3. Whereas Colon, Michigan is the largest, most magical, and most charming of all known Colons;

SECTION II — DECLARATION

It is hereby resolved that:

  1. Colon, Michigan shall retain exclusive rights to the unmodified title “Colon.”

  2. Colon, Nebraska is hereby invited to adopt the honorary designation “Semi-Colon,” in recognition of its shared name, population, and its distinguished position within the national punctuation landscape.

  3. Colon, North Carolina is hereby invited to assume the honorary designation “Pilcrow,” in homage to the Pilcrow’s former prominence as a paragraph marker and its modern rarity - a distinction thoughtfully aligned with the unique and infrequently referenced status of Colon, North Carolina itself.

  4. No future municipality may adopt the name “Colon” without express written approval from the Colon Council (so far, a pipe dream).

SECTION III — IMPLEMENTATION

This Doctrine shall remain in effect until amended, superseded, the sun burns out, or it’s struck down by a higher authority, should such a being ever appear.

Signed,


BJ Mallen
Envoy of the One True Colon
Colon, Michigan -The Magic Capital of the World